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The lowest point of my life was the summer of 2019.
Waking up at 4AM every day to go to work as a janitor, and never getting more than five hours of sleep, dark bags permanently lined my eyes. My diet of cereal and frozen pizza grew my gut day after day, and peppered my face with acne. After enduring an injury and not being able to exercise, my body was atrophying and falling apart. Every day was pain.
And that was just the physical side of things. Mentally, I was getting pushed closer to the edge by a mental disorder that wouldn't get diagnosed for another six years. On top of that, my anger issues pushed away anyone that tried to get close to me.
Emotionally, I was a man on a deserted island—all alone. No one I could turn to for support. So I turned inward, numbing myself and the outside world, by escaping into the online world. I spent all my waking hours listening to podcasts while at work, and watching YouTube, porn, and playing video games while at home.
Needless to say, romance was not part of my life. I dreamed of having a girlfriend, but one look in the mirror and I was scared of what I saw: a penniless, tired, weak man, on the brink of physical, emotional, and spiritual collapse.
What rescued me from my abyss was reading the book 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson. The fourth rule is: “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”
The author discusses how envy can block you from bettering yourself, poisoning your thoughts, by reminding you that there's always someone out there who is better than you at something. But that doesn’t matter, because you can always improve yourself, as long as you are willing to aim low enough:
Pay attention. Focus on your surroundings, physical and psychological. Notice something that bothers you, that concerns you, that will not let you be, which you could fix, that you would fix. You can find such somethings by asking yourself (as if you genuinely want to know) three questions: “What is it