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It's the strangest feeling, isn't it? It reminds me of an emotion, but rather than residing in the heart, it's in the mind. How does it work for you? Perhaps you need to slow down enough to induce it in yourself, to gather accurate data on what is actually happening when you feel this way.
To me, it feels as if my brain is searching for something to pay attention to, and is coming up short. It wants to be immersed, and is finding nothing it deems valuable to be immersed in. Sometimes when it's been long enough, I start feeling pained from being denied the state of mind I so desperately want to inhabit. Maybe I am pained by having to be within myself. It can be difficult to tell.
I know a lot of people for whom their own company is the worst company they could have, so they try to do as much as they can to escape it. Being as young as you are, you might not have developed this desire to be free from yourself. But if this is something you relate to, you don't have to despair. Strangely, the very mind that we want to run away from can be shaped into what we desire.
You know how much I love asking questions. Even to the point where the answer sometimes does not concern me. I do not want to get myself off track—but it is always helpful for me to remember that asking questions has led me down the path of wisdom.
Anyway, do you ever run away from yourself? You don't have to answer me, I just want you to mull over it. Is that running where your boredom comes from?
If you don't like your own company, what kind of company would you like to have within yourself?
I've noticed that there are times when I like no company but my own, and times when I like no company at all. Isn't it wonderful how that works? When I am okay with my own company, but still not desirous of it, I often realize what I am truly looking for is a moment of stillness. In my experience, the most effective method of finding stillness is to intentionally not look for anything. It's an interesting paralle