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The average person, presumably, just stumbles along in their relationships, without ever studying the science behind what makes them work.
• Imagine this: would you want a man, who didn’t go to medical school and doesn’t have a medical license, to perform surgery on you? What if, now hear me out, he’s seen every episode of Grey’s Anatomy, ER, Scrubs, and House? What if he’s watched some surgery videos on YouTube and “pretty much knows how to do it”? Would that make you feel comfortable? • No! That would be ridiculous! We would demand some base level of education, training, and a history of competence before allowing anyone to operate on us.So then what about relationships?
• Now imagine this: would you want to date someone who isn’t familiar with the communication and emotional skills that make relationships successful? What if, now hear me out, they’ve seen every reality dating TV show? What if they’ve read Cosmopolitan magazine their whole life and they “pretty much know how relationships work”? Would that make you feel comfortable? • No! That would be ridiculous! We ought to demand some base level of education or experience before allowing someone to become our primary attachment figure, upon whom our emotional needs will be met.[1]And yet, that’s exactly what people do. They go around falling in love with people without examining, evaluating, and testing for relationships skills. They’re just not taking relationships seriously.
Let’s get seriousTo establish exactly what I mean by the word serious, and why it matters for improving your relationships, here’s an excerpt from the essay Everyone Can Tell if You’re a Serious Person:
I think the concept of a serious or unserious person has lingered in my mind because I’m at the perfect age to notice it. I’m 29 now, so I exist in this weird purgatory where some people my age are married with kids, and others are in the same position they were in when we left [college]. At 22, the discrepancy between the people that con